Why Lauren does not like Birthday Parties

Excerpt from Emergence. Page28. 

"...Like birthday parties. They were torture to me. The confusion created by noise-makers suddenly going off startled me. I would invariably react by hitting another child or by picking up an ashtray or anything else that was handy and flinging it across the room." Temple Grandin


This is the story of Lauren's first birthday party.

The birthday girl. Lauren at 4 years old.

November 2006.

Lauren was four years old. Luke was one month old. Kevin and I thought it would be great to have a double celebration for Lauren's birthday and to celebrate moh-guek (Full moon celebration for Luke's first month). So clever, right?....This was such a bad bad idea.

We planned the food. Kevin and I searched the internet for kids' games. We stuck the house full of treasure hunt pictures. Cute little prizes were bought and wrapped. And a lovely friend made a beautiful chocolate cake for Lauren, decorated with pictures of a colourful rainbow. I can still remember the cake. It was very pretty.

I think we had about 30 kids running around our home. Add on their parents and some with grandparents, and you can imagine our home bursting at its seams with people, chatter, laughter and simple, plain noise. Add to this, closed doors and windows to allow the air conditioner to cool down the house.

We never saw it coming.

All the build up from the incessant noise. When it came time for the cake to be cut, everyone gathered to sing Lauren her Happy Birthday song. So we sang....

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to Lauren
Happy birthday to you....
Short silence...and...we cut the cake...everybody goes....Yayyyyy...CLAP, CLAP, CLAP...!!!!!
..........
............
.............followed by....
the loudest, most piercing SCREAMMMMMMMM.....from Lauren.

She shouted at her guests. Their parents. And then she burst out crying, and Kevin had to rush her to her bedroom to calm her down.

And that...was the highlight of our party. Shock! Disbelief! Every terrible feeling you can imagine. I think that was when it really hit us that we had to admit we had autism in the home.

Lauren after the party. No sign of what happened before.

These days, we celebrate birthdays quietly. Just family. Gentle birthday singing. Lauren is enjoying her quiet birthdays. She prefers me not to make a fuss about them with her school mates. So no birthday cakes or cupcakes for the school anymore.


She likes the cakes, she just does not like the fussing around and all that attention.

Birthday celebrations are quiet affairs these days. Lauren's 6th birthday.

Sitting next to you doing absolutely nothing, means absolutely everything to me.