Today My Friend Becomes A Parent

29 April 2015. My friend will be wheeled into the operating theatre for her planned C-section at 2pm. She and her husband are waiting with excited anticipation to welcome their first born into this world. This brings me back almost 13 years ago and then 4 years later as Kevin and I welcomed Lauren and Luke into our arms so many years ago.

Lauren, born 11 Nov 2002

Parenthood is such a big word. It carries with it responsibilities. Some say the responsibility of caring for your child doesn't stop when they leave home. It might be livelong. Parenthood carries sleepless nights. Making sure your children eat well and sleep well. Making sure they get a good education. Helping them to prepare for independence and to set them up for a good future. Parenthood carries with it hope, faith and love. Unceasing love, even when your child has done wrong. You discipline them, and you continue to love them.

Luke, born 2 Oct 2006

But being parents do not have to be our responsibility alone. There are people who want to share the joy and pain of bringing up our children. Precious aunties and uncles, and close friends. If we let them. If we loosen our hold on our children a little, there are many who would love to help be part of bringing up our children.

When we suspected Lauren had autism, we reached out to our family and friends.

Some had disappointing responses. They felt they knew better and wanted to continue to relate to Lauren on their terms (only). They didn't want to really listen to what was going with Lauren and with us, and I think maybe it was too much information, too much mumbo-jumbo about sensory difficulties. Some would tell me, "If there weren't so many children with autism during my time, why are there so many now?". "Are you sure the doctors aren't just over-diagnosing?". "I think you parents today are just over anxious." "We should just let the child be. They will grow out of it."

And then we have the precious loved ones. These were the family and friends who would just listen. They asked questions to know more, not to question our decisions. They asked to understand Lauren better. And they made changes to their behaviour and approach to relate to Lauren better.

Those were the ones who fully supported Kevin and my decision to seek therapy in Kuala Lumpur, Singapore and Australia. They supported Kevin and I when Kevin went back to night school for his diploma in Special Needs Education and Learning Disorders.

They gave us a place to stay when we had to be in Singapore for rows of two weeks for music therapy. They helped keep us in constant prayer as we trudged through hours of therapy for Lauren, and hours of stress managing full time work, two kids and night school.

They celebrated little victories with us. And they encouraged us to pen our experiences down on blog-paper:-)

So, today, I am reminded to be thankful for my family and friends. You know who you are. Lauren and Luke are a product of your nurture and love as well.

If Kevin and I don't say it enough, we love you. We appreciate you. Like what someone wise said yesterday, "You are our unwavering pillar of confidence!".