Like a Horse with Blinders

Maybe it was Lauren's diagnosis of autism that made Kevin and I a lot more conscious that we needed to physically spend time with her to engage her. We could not take the easy way out to just leave her with the TV and video (so 90s I know) and cds (better?) with her.

Much of what we take for granted like, kids learning from their surroundings, picking up our good and bad nuances, Lauren could not do. If you imagine a horse walking with blinders on, that would be how Lauren learns. A horse with blinders is focused only on the task ahead. Without the blinders, the horse would be distracted by its surroundings and unfocused on walking or galloping straight ahead.

Illustration by Luke Sim, copyright 2015

When Lauren is watching her videos, she is completely focused on her show. When she is playing with her toys, her attention is only on her blocks and dolls. And now when she is reading her books, she is fully immersed in her stories. Even when she is just walking along the park or road, she is focused on walking...only.

Her ears do not pick up on the spoken conversations around her, nor do her eyes observe the social activities around her. Unless called by name to watch or listen, Lauren does not.

This explains why Lauren speaks with an American accent. She has never set foot on America, yet she speaks like one. 99% of the shows she watches are American. Add on to this, 99% of what she reads are written by Americans. Dorky Diaries, Big Nate, Diary of a Wimpy Kid...ahh...the proliferation of American culture. Material for another article brewing here...:-)

Lauren opens her mouth and you hear American slang words complete with the accent!
OMG!
What the...!
Gross!
Awesome!
Totally rad...

And when talking to Lauren, the worse thing I could do is, tell Lauren to do something with my back turned to her, and of course hers to mine, and nothing ever happens! When we want Lauren to pay attention to what we are doing or saying, we first
1. Call her by name
2. Ask her to watch us
3. Then Kevin and I proceed to show her how something is said or done
Her eyes have to be on the task and not wandering somewhere else.
4. And lastly, we ask Lauren to repeat to us what we have shown her or told her

Why do the steps have to be broken down? Remember my article on Sensory Processing Disorders, where for a person with autism, they have many other sensory input coming at them, all at the same time? http://www.whatsnextkids.blogspot.com.au/2015/04/we-have-seven-sensesreally.html

Imagine trying to listen to what your friend was saying, but there was also the radio blaring in the background, construction happening somewhere further off, and lights flickering on and off. Makes it quite difficult to concentrate on your friend, yes?

Welcome to the life of Lauren. Too much input. One mind. One set of ears. One set of eyes. Horse with blinders, so they can cope without a sensory overload.

Next time you speak with a person with autism, take it one step at a time. It isn't because people with autism are slow. Seeing Dr Temple Grandin, Stephen Wiltshire, Naoki Higashida have shown us the opposite. They are just wired differently from you and me.

Thanks for sharing my thoughts. Share with me yours, ok.


Tolerance, Compromise, Understanding, Acceptance, Patience - I want those all to be very sharp tools in my shed - Cee Lo Green-

How Interests Can Help Communication in Autism

There is this thing about writing.

Or type in today's technologically advanced world. I think it has to do with the fact that words help to communicate a person's thoughts, their feelings, their wishes.

CS Lewis once said, You can make anything by writing.

Indeed, you can write your fears away. We can calm ourselves by writing. And we can share our happiness by writing. Writing, typing, and swiping (for some!)......the use of words is such an important means of communication.

Lauren with Kevin and Helen (rip)

The little adventure reproduced in words by Lauren at 5 years old

Lauren always found it easier to write and type her thoughts. When she was younger, we would catch glimpses of her cheeky little character peering through when she got to write her messages to us by phone, always filled with a generous sprinkling of emoticons. 

Not the case when she has to talk. Her words are stilted, they take time to be formed, and most times come out with the tone that often gets misinterpreted. When asked, she would say that she finds it hard to bring the words in her head to her mouth.

Imagine how frustrating it is when you cannot understand a person. Imagine how much more frustrating when you cannot get others around you, the ones closest to you to understand you. It can make you scream out of frustration. Now you don't wonder why kids or teenagers with autism can throw such a tantrum. I would throw one mega tantrum myself!

Not being able to converse for a person with autism does not mean they do not want to communicate. They do. But we need to find ways that can help them express themselves. It is critical we help our kids to communicate, to express themselves.

How have some better known young friends with autism communicated. For Carly Fleischmann, it was typing on her computer. Naoki Higashida uses an alphabet grid to type out his words. For Temple Grandin, she has been blessed with the ability to both write and speak. These great examples have written poems, books, stories as part of expressing themselves. For some like Stephen Wiltshire, the famous English landscape artist, he was mute until age 5 because of autism. So he turned to drawing. He drew people, animals and through his drawings he found he had a knack for drawing buildings and landscapes.

The point is to find something - some call it a hobby, some say it is an interest or interests - where your child, with or without autism, enjoys. Something that can be constructive and which can help them express themselves. 

So with Lauren, her best friends today are her books. They are with her in every picture. They watch tv with us. Go shopping with the family and also sit near the dinner table. It is with her books that she finds solace. A place she can just be. You hear her laugh (like a cuckoo bird) when she's reading her fav books. And we're thankful she loves books because that is where she has learnt words. Many of them. They have in turn helped her communicate through her latest interest...writing scripts! I don't know where that will lead her to, but we're encouraging it. We've helped her set up her own blog to write her scripts. Let's see where that road leads us to!

Time and patience - Discover your child's inner interests.