Like a Horse with Blinders

Maybe it was Lauren's diagnosis of autism that made Kevin and I a lot more conscious that we needed to physically spend time with her to engage her. We could not take the easy way out to just leave her with the TV and video (so 90s I know) and cds (better?) with her.

Much of what we take for granted like, kids learning from their surroundings, picking up our good and bad nuances, Lauren could not do. If you imagine a horse walking with blinders on, that would be how Lauren learns. A horse with blinders is focused only on the task ahead. Without the blinders, the horse would be distracted by its surroundings and unfocused on walking or galloping straight ahead.

Illustration by Luke Sim, copyright 2015

When Lauren is watching her videos, she is completely focused on her show. When she is playing with her toys, her attention is only on her blocks and dolls. And now when she is reading her books, she is fully immersed in her stories. Even when she is just walking along the park or road, she is focused on walking...only.

Her ears do not pick up on the spoken conversations around her, nor do her eyes observe the social activities around her. Unless called by name to watch or listen, Lauren does not.

This explains why Lauren speaks with an American accent. She has never set foot on America, yet she speaks like one. 99% of the shows she watches are American. Add on to this, 99% of what she reads are written by Americans. Dorky Diaries, Big Nate, Diary of a Wimpy Kid...ahh...the proliferation of American culture. Material for another article brewing here...:-)

Lauren opens her mouth and you hear American slang words complete with the accent!
OMG!
What the...!
Gross!
Awesome!
Totally rad...

And when talking to Lauren, the worse thing I could do is, tell Lauren to do something with my back turned to her, and of course hers to mine, and nothing ever happens! When we want Lauren to pay attention to what we are doing or saying, we first
1. Call her by name
2. Ask her to watch us
3. Then Kevin and I proceed to show her how something is said or done
Her eyes have to be on the task and not wandering somewhere else.
4. And lastly, we ask Lauren to repeat to us what we have shown her or told her

Why do the steps have to be broken down? Remember my article on Sensory Processing Disorders, where for a person with autism, they have many other sensory input coming at them, all at the same time? http://www.whatsnextkids.blogspot.com.au/2015/04/we-have-seven-sensesreally.html

Imagine trying to listen to what your friend was saying, but there was also the radio blaring in the background, construction happening somewhere further off, and lights flickering on and off. Makes it quite difficult to concentrate on your friend, yes?

Welcome to the life of Lauren. Too much input. One mind. One set of ears. One set of eyes. Horse with blinders, so they can cope without a sensory overload.

Next time you speak with a person with autism, take it one step at a time. It isn't because people with autism are slow. Seeing Dr Temple Grandin, Stephen Wiltshire, Naoki Higashida have shown us the opposite. They are just wired differently from you and me.

Thanks for sharing my thoughts. Share with me yours, ok.


Tolerance, Compromise, Understanding, Acceptance, Patience - I want those all to be very sharp tools in my shed - Cee Lo Green-

Sound Therapy for Autism

Back when Lauren was 6 years old, we signed her up for Samonas Sound Therapy.

This was administered by Mr Ingo Steinbach at his centre in Singapore. Over two weeks, Lauren would go daily to the centre for a half hour listening session. While listening, Ingo would immerse Lauren in play activities like puzzles, fine motor skills activities.

Lauren during a Samonas session, Singapore 2008.

From the first session, we could see fine improvements in Lauren. She was more calm, she could walk calmly, with better posture and balance and without twitching or feeling a need to skip after every few steps.

Overall, Lauren was also visibly better engaged. She was more focused. She had better eye contact. She was listening better. It was as if Samonas sound therapy was helping to consolidate all her other therapies ie. speech & language therapy, occupational therapy, drama classes. 

We completed three rounds of intensive Samonas sound therapy and then continued to follow through the therapy at home. Kevin would give Lauren a morning proprioceptive massage - he would massage all her joints from the big muscle joints in her arms and knees to the little muscle joints in her fingers and toes - while Lauren received her sound therapy through head phones. Ingo had taught us how to administer it ourselves, and we could also contact him on any questions we had.

According to Sensory Processing Disorder (Australia), proprioception is the process by which the body can vary muscle contraction in immediate response to incoming information regarding external forces, by utilizing stretch receptors in the muscles to keep track of the joint position in the body. 

In simpler terms, proprioception is the ability to sense where your limbs are and control them, without having to literally look at them.

Lauren received Samonas sound therapy for 3 to 4 years. It took a lot of patience, perseverance because as with any therapy there are no miracle cures, just plenty of consistency and monitoring to ensure there is an overall progression and of course many trips to Singapore!

There was also a lot of joy in watching Lauren slowly discovering language and helping her explore and express her own curiosity about the world around her.

No regrets.

Uncle Ingo and Lauren during one of her visit to Samonas Centre in Singapore

Live Life Wanting to Learn and You'll Live with No Regrets.


A little more about Samonas

Samonas is a personal (as opposed to in a group) listening programme. It is an auditory intervention programme using music and sounds from nature that have been engineered to support the development of specific functions and skills in an individual. Samonas is most effective when used together with other intervention therapies such as speech and / or occupational therapy, and not as a replacement of those therapies.

Samonas was created after 20 years of research by Mr Ingo Steinbach, a German sound engineer with a background in music, physics and electronics. The Samonas programme is available in Singapore and USA.

Learn more about the Samonas Listening Programme at their websites. Ingo is in the midst of consolidating these three sites into one, but until then, you can get more information here. All contact information is also at the websites: www.samonas.com, http://developmentalListening.org and http://academicListening.org

You can also message Ingo directly at https://www.facebook.com/ingosamonas.

I have also included this link where you can easily retrieve the Samonas contact details: http://www.samonas.com/B05/B05a.html

If you found this information helpful, please share it with your friends. We have!

Thinking Outside The Box

Lauren with Fadia, her sitting partner in Primary 3.
Decked in National Costumes for National Day Celebrations.

We were driving home.


I asked Lauren about her day.


I got the usual reply, "Good!".


So I started asking more specific questions.


I found out it was her sitting partner's birthday today. And that they had cake at recess. Ok...


I asked more... And she told me the kids were playing "Old Maid" in class. But they didn't ask her to join in.


"What did you do?" I asked.


"I wrote my story Mom".


You didn't watch them play?


"I did!".


Huh?


I was confused, so I asked


"Did you watch them play or did you write your story?"


....Silence....


I could sense Lauren thinking her answer.


She finally said "I wrote my story AND I watched them play."

If you know Lauren, you will know that she always answers within the given parameters. This is the first time she has answered beyond the given set of choices. (Lauren was 9 years old, and it was November 2011).


Awesome!


Be Grateful for Every Little Success.

First Playdate Ever!

It was almost the end of Lauren and Luke’s first summer holidays in Australia.

Lots of firsts in beautiful Sunshine Coast, because Lauren had her first playdate (ever!) right then – Yes! We managed to arrange one. January 15, 2015. What a date!

Her movie date was with a lovely friend from her old 5J class, with a wonderfully understanding mother. Thanks Erica!

Lauren & Brooke, 15 January 2015

Brooke came over to watch the new Disney movie called “Big Hero 6”.

Of course Lauren had already had a preview of the movie and had to be reminded many times to not let the cat/s out of the bag, and narrate Brooke through the whole movie.

Enjoying Big Hero 6 together

Anyways, the date was a decent success.

Brooke and Lauren ended up watching two movies, since their conversation time ended in about 5 minutes after the first movie. And Brooke's visit to Lauren's bedroom took just another 5 minutes.

Thankfully, they enjoyed their nachos with sour cream and salsa, and pizza and after which they said "Bye...see you at school"!

Friends are great gifts from God. 

Head in the Hole

Do you remember the times when you said something or did something so embarassing, you felt like sticking your head in the ground?

Head in the Hole by Kevin Sim copyright 2015

Once when Lauren had a group session in class, each student was asked to make a TRUE and FALSE statement. We aren't sure what the context was in making the sentences but one student (a boy) said, "I make out with my mom!". To which Lauren asked..."How?"...

Her group of friends laughed in response.

And Lauren burst into tears.

She told us later how she wanted to go to the school oval (school field), dig a hole and hide her head in there! She was utterly embarrassed because she didn't know what her friend meant when all the others did.

We explained to Lauren the meaning of what her classmate said "I want to make out with my mom" and we also assured Lauren that it was completely ok and the right thing to ask what she was not sure of. She felt better by the end of the day.

I sure wish I can help prepare Lauren for every situation. I know I cannot, but still...

Try your best and be happy with the outcome (no matter what).

How to have a conversation - Step by Step Guide for an ASC Child

Dr Johann has been guiding Lauren on how to have a good conversation with her friends.


Here are the steps we have recorded and are practising with Lauren on:


1. Help Lauren to paraphrase conversation points and end with "that's really cool!".

For example,..."so you like to play tennis and watch movies. That's really cool!".


2. Give compliments
Lauren learns to give compliments (appropriate ones, of course) to help make her friends comfortable and feel good.

For example,..."Hey Lanni, you look really pretty with those new ear-rings".


3. Finish conversations properly.
Lauren tends to leave her conversations hanging. Either her friends have not finished talking or she is done asking and then she just waltzes away!

So now she is to say..."Nice talking to you. See you later. Bye".


Reminders to continue practising:
Use comic strips to visually explain what other people are thinking of a certain behaviour of Lauren's.

Keep rehearsing and practising new social skills.

Use tv (since she loves watching TV) as a good reference for appropriate Model Me behaviours.

Remind Lauren to greet and give a warm smile, before jumping into a conversation. Say bye without her awkward, mini wave.


More updates again soon.

Teaching social skills is important in helping
Lauren navigate our complex social world

Practise. Practise. Practise because Practise Makes Perfect.

Big presentation! And Big Scene!!!

Lauren had to prepare for her school project on natural disasters (she had apparently forgotten to do it and we were informed on a Thursday, with just Friday-Sunday for her to research, complete the poster and memorize the talk). We helped a fair bit! Kevin did wonders with the visual poster and Lauren worked hard on how to present her work.

Me? 

I helped to make her sentences simpler and easier to present. And Lauren was so good - she took in our comments, was willing to present so many times just to get her words, her action all right.


On Monday, she presented her A2 poster and talk about the natural disaster to the whole class. She had to keep the audience interested for her 3-6 mins presentation. She scored an 'A' for it. A great morning for her.

Nov 2014: Lauren's "A" Project

Then came big break at school.


A couple of kids were playing handball and Lauren accidentally got hit by a bouncing ball.


She exploded!!!


She reacted by shouting that she was going to 'hurt' them (not sure what the actual words were) and threw her book and pen to the ground. Her pen broke as a result, which made things worse.


Sally, her Special Education -SEU - teacher heard her from the office and came to get her. Sally calmed her down. And another girl gave her pen - which was similar but not 100% the same - to Lauren to make her feel better.


How do we help Lauren when she has an explosive outburst?


Can we prevent it?


Lauren felt really bad. We know because she tells us what she should have not done and what she should have done.


After talking to Dr Johann about this, we are reminded that we must continue to run the scenarios and practise appropriate actions with Lauren, and practise them, and practise them and practise them until they become a habit.


We are also reminded that our frontal lobes, which control rational behaviour and reasoning, do not mature until we are about 25 years old! And we are also assured that new neural pathways can form for newly learned habits…


So while we have a long long journey ahead of us, and it won’t be a bed of roses, we can take time to smell the roses and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.



Know that the enjoying the journey is as important as reaching the end.

The POOCH Way to Smarter, Calmer ASDs

Visit 9 to Dr Johann: 19 February 2015

Lauren has had a pretty good few weeks at school. There were some flare ups, for sure! So today we learnt a new method from Dr Johann, which Lauren and us are going to try out for the next two weeks.

POOCH!

STEP 1: P-roblem

Identify what the problem is.

Some kids at school think it is funny to knock Lauren’s food container over, a couple of times a week. It drives her mad.

STEP 2: O-ptions

What can Lauren do about it? What are her options? Maybe

she could shout at them! 

she could tell them to “STOP IT”. And go right to a teacher if they don’t stop their silly behaviour.

she can choose to sit with her girlfriends during lunch breaks and get them to help look after her things, if she needs to leave for the washroom

STEP 3: O-utcome

Evaluate each option, rank 1 (bad idea) to 10 (great idea) and review the outcome.

Option 1: Shout at the kids!

Rank 1. Bad idea. Losing my temper and shouting at the boys might be just what they want. Besides, I cannot think smart when I am not calm. In fact, I say dumb things when I get ANGRY and LOSE MY TEMPER.

Fyi: the frontal lobe of our brain is where we rationalize and think through issues and problems. The back of our brain controls our impulsive behaviours. Lauren is trying to learn to use less of this part, and more of her frontal lobe. POOCH is one method to get her to exercise her reasoning and problem solutions using her frontal lobe.

Option 2: Tell the kids to STOP IT and go to person of authority for more help, if they don’t stop.

Rank 7. Pretty good idea. I can show the kids I am assertive and I mean what I say. The teacher can also help to discipline those naughty kids.  But I feel a little nervous having to face up to the boys myself.

Option 3: Sit with her girlfriends during lunch breaks and get their help if she needs it.

Rank 10. Good idea. Sitting together with my friends will make me less a target for teasing and my girlfriends can also help me.

STEP 4: C-hoose

Lauren now chooses the option based on the best potential outcome. So, she chooses Option 3.

STEP 5: H-ow did it go?

Lauren reviews the results of her decision, based on the outcome. Did the boys stop pushing her food container over? If yes, then she has met with SUCCESS! If this does not stop the kids from teasing her, then she goes back to review her options and choose another option or come up with new ones; and goes through steps 3,4 and 5 again, until she gets to successfully resolve the problem.

Have you tried this method before? Or do you have other approaches which has helped your ASD teenager?

Think before we act...it is a lot harder than you think.

Public vs Private to an ASD

I started this post thinking about how to describe what I wanted to share, without sounding too graphic, but using appropriate subtle, slightly humourous language which still brought the meaning across.

After checking out a few articles online on how to describe what I wanted to describe....well, I'm ready.

Today, I am going to talk about periods. Yes, that monthly thing ladies get visits from. But instead of saying that word, I shall use a combination of what I think are nice, creative and tasteful words for them.

Lauren had her first friendly visit from Aunt Ruby recently. 

She told me she felt excited and happy, and at the same time shocked at seeing her for the first time (We had shared with her what happens when she grows into a teenager a few years before).

During the weekend, she asked me a few times what will happen to swimming on Tuesday at school. I told her she could probably still go for swimming – which was not the answer she was hoping, knowing her great dislike for swimming – but I assured her I would check on whether she had recovered from her girl flu on Monday evening and Tuesday morning before she went to school.

Tuesday morning at school

At the school pool today, Lauren’s teacher tells me that she announced in class yesterday that she was now a teen and surfing the crimson wave (Lauren was less subtle!) so she was not sure if she would be swimming on Tuesday!

Imagine my reaction….SHOCCCCCKKKKK!!!

Kevin and I had a serious talk with her after school. We explained to her that making public announcements on private, personal matters for example things about her anatomy are a complete NO, NO.

She told us that she did not even realize she was saying it to her classmates and that she had intended it for her teacher’s ears only. Sigh.

Now Lauren has a large sign in her room to remind her to

• Think before she speaks
• NOT announce to the public (eg. speak in a loud voice to class friends and strangers) about private matters like what is happening to her body.

Have you ever experienced something similar with your ASD child? Share it with us.


Public vs Private. Why are humans so particular?

Today it is about Twerks for ASDs!

Today we found out that Lauren knows how to twerk. She is 12 years old and it is November 20, 2014. She learnt it yesterday and apparently showed all her classmates how twerking is done!

Funny? Yes. 

Horrified? Yes also. 

What must her classmates think of her? 

Well, according to her class teacher, a few of the boys said they felt rather uncomfortable. How did this happen? 

No one really knows except that Lauren told us one of her friends asked if she knew how to twerk, to which Lauren said, "Huh?"...and her friend proceeded to partially show her the starting stance for a twerk, and then explained the rest of Lauren. 

Lauren followed the steps to a T and the rest is history!

What is a twerk? Ahh, new word for me too. 

Wikipedia has it as: a type of dancing in which an individual, usually a female,[1] dances to music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low squatting stance.

Oh My!, would likely be your expression! We shared that with Dr Johann, and he came up with a fantastic way to help Lauren understand why it was not appropriate. See stick drawing below.

Social Stories can help ASDs visualize
the impact their behaviour has on people around them

The other things we will work on for  Lauren's social skills:

1. Use comic strips to help Lauren understand the POV of other people, esp. her classmates.

2. Turn taking in conversations Lauren is making good progress in this area. We are reminded to praise her when she does good turn taking during conversations to emphasize that she is doing well. 

3. Getting to know her friends Check that Lauren - looks at people when talking to them (especially if they may be talking about things she is less interested in) - smiling at her friends when she meets them (to help put her friends at ease) - says Hello, how are you? when she meets them, as good manners and greetings.

See you again.

What's life without learning something new everyday?

This Video Inspired Me to Persevere in Helping My Child with Autism

There are good days and bad days.

Some days, I watch the progress Lauren has made in her journey from the time she was just echoing and not conversing, to today where she can go into a long long conversation on a topic of her preference.

Then there are days where the smallest things (to us) happens like getting hit by a handball, and causing Lauren has a complete meltdown and explodes at her friends and everyone else around here in school. Books are thrown to the ground, pens are broken.

And I wonder, will things get better? Then my husband finds this video and again, God speaks and we are inspired, motivated to pursue progress because kids, teens, adults with autism can improve and learn.

I hope the story of Carly Fleischmann inspires you like it did for Kevin and I.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xsfNrG5Bnw

The Autistic vs The Neurotypical

Did a little experiment - just for fun. I asked my kids, separately, to put their newly bought shampoos and conditioner in the bathroom cabinet.

Guess which is Lauren's arrangement, and which is Luke's: top or bottom?

Coming next: a comparison between Lauren and Luke's wardrobe...haaa...watch this space!!!

What I learnt: To love equally, does not mean to love them the same way. 

Helping My Teenage ASD Generalize!

Teach a child with autism to cross the road in front of his house, after a while he would be able to cross the road in front of his house - no problem at all.
Then you take him down to his school and ask him to cross the road in front of his school...and he wouldn't be able to do it.

Children with autism are specific. They are creatures of details. Like Temple Grandin says they see the trees, before they see the forest.

Spot the trees or is this just a grand forest to you?

When we got to Australia, it was winter so we told Lauren she only needed to change her clothes every three days.

Spring came and we said change your clothes every two days.

Now that it is Summer, Lauren changes her clothes every day. I have also, very recently, taught her to wash her own intimates.

Three days ago, I asked her whether she had washed her inner wear and she said not yet. So I thought I would help her do it (like all Moms do) but they were not in the laundry bag.

When I asked her where it was...Lauren just stared at me.

Then I had the uneasy feeling everytime she gives me THAT look.

I asked her if she changed her lingerie every day. Slooowwwlllyyyy, she said no.

I asked her if she changed them every two days, she blinked, and said "sometimes".

OMG!!!

What do we learn from this?

You see, I never told Lauren to change her intimates everyday. So she doesn't.

When we said change your clothes everyday, I remember showing her her t-shirt and shorts. I remember pointing to her school t-shirt and skorts. I did not specifically include her intimates.

We need to be specific with children with autism because they do not generalize well. They are great with details. That is their strength. And we help them with applying the specifics.

My fear is...

have I covered all the details?...

...when teaching Lauren about life?

Only God knows.


Lord, help me to teach and guide Lauren, as you have shown me, and leave the rest to you.

The Start of Something Different

January 30, 2015
I have decided. It's time to do what I have been wanting to do for many years now. Write...with a purpose to help others.