How to have a conversation - Step by Step Guide for an ASC Child

Dr Johann has been guiding Lauren on how to have a good conversation with her friends.


Here are the steps we have recorded and are practising with Lauren on:


1. Help Lauren to paraphrase conversation points and end with "that's really cool!".

For example,..."so you like to play tennis and watch movies. That's really cool!".


2. Give compliments
Lauren learns to give compliments (appropriate ones, of course) to help make her friends comfortable and feel good.

For example,..."Hey Lanni, you look really pretty with those new ear-rings".


3. Finish conversations properly.
Lauren tends to leave her conversations hanging. Either her friends have not finished talking or she is done asking and then she just waltzes away!

So now she is to say..."Nice talking to you. See you later. Bye".


Reminders to continue practising:
Use comic strips to visually explain what other people are thinking of a certain behaviour of Lauren's.

Keep rehearsing and practising new social skills.

Use tv (since she loves watching TV) as a good reference for appropriate Model Me behaviours.

Remind Lauren to greet and give a warm smile, before jumping into a conversation. Say bye without her awkward, mini wave.


More updates again soon.

Teaching social skills is important in helping
Lauren navigate our complex social world

Practise. Practise. Practise because Practise Makes Perfect.

Public vs Private to an ASD

I started this post thinking about how to describe what I wanted to share, without sounding too graphic, but using appropriate subtle, slightly humourous language which still brought the meaning across.

After checking out a few articles online on how to describe what I wanted to describe....well, I'm ready.

Today, I am going to talk about periods. Yes, that monthly thing ladies get visits from. But instead of saying that word, I shall use a combination of what I think are nice, creative and tasteful words for them.

Lauren had her first friendly visit from Aunt Ruby recently. 

She told me she felt excited and happy, and at the same time shocked at seeing her for the first time (We had shared with her what happens when she grows into a teenager a few years before).

During the weekend, she asked me a few times what will happen to swimming on Tuesday at school. I told her she could probably still go for swimming – which was not the answer she was hoping, knowing her great dislike for swimming – but I assured her I would check on whether she had recovered from her girl flu on Monday evening and Tuesday morning before she went to school.

Tuesday morning at school

At the school pool today, Lauren’s teacher tells me that she announced in class yesterday that she was now a teen and surfing the crimson wave (Lauren was less subtle!) so she was not sure if she would be swimming on Tuesday!

Imagine my reaction….SHOCCCCCKKKKK!!!

Kevin and I had a serious talk with her after school. We explained to her that making public announcements on private, personal matters for example things about her anatomy are a complete NO, NO.

She told us that she did not even realize she was saying it to her classmates and that she had intended it for her teacher’s ears only. Sigh.

Now Lauren has a large sign in her room to remind her to

• Think before she speaks
• NOT announce to the public (eg. speak in a loud voice to class friends and strangers) about private matters like what is happening to her body.

Have you ever experienced something similar with your ASD child? Share it with us.


Public vs Private. Why are humans so particular?

Today it is about Twerks for ASDs!

Today we found out that Lauren knows how to twerk. She is 12 years old and it is November 20, 2014. She learnt it yesterday and apparently showed all her classmates how twerking is done!

Funny? Yes. 

Horrified? Yes also. 

What must her classmates think of her? 

Well, according to her class teacher, a few of the boys said they felt rather uncomfortable. How did this happen? 

No one really knows except that Lauren told us one of her friends asked if she knew how to twerk, to which Lauren said, "Huh?"...and her friend proceeded to partially show her the starting stance for a twerk, and then explained the rest of Lauren. 

Lauren followed the steps to a T and the rest is history!

What is a twerk? Ahh, new word for me too. 

Wikipedia has it as: a type of dancing in which an individual, usually a female,[1] dances to music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low squatting stance.

Oh My!, would likely be your expression! We shared that with Dr Johann, and he came up with a fantastic way to help Lauren understand why it was not appropriate. See stick drawing below.

Social Stories can help ASDs visualize
the impact their behaviour has on people around them

The other things we will work on for  Lauren's social skills:

1. Use comic strips to help Lauren understand the POV of other people, esp. her classmates.

2. Turn taking in conversations Lauren is making good progress in this area. We are reminded to praise her when she does good turn taking during conversations to emphasize that she is doing well. 

3. Getting to know her friends Check that Lauren - looks at people when talking to them (especially if they may be talking about things she is less interested in) - smiling at her friends when she meets them (to help put her friends at ease) - says Hello, how are you? when she meets them, as good manners and greetings.

See you again.

What's life without learning something new everyday?