Preparations for the Transition to High School

28 January 2016


In a previous article, I mentioned that there was a lot of hard work put in by the Special Unit Team to help transition Lauren from primary to secondary school. For a typical child, the move from little to big school is already an overwhelming one. For students with special needs, multiply those emotions.

• More than double the students
• New school grounds: new labs, new library, new washrooms, new classroom settings
• Almost 80% new faces

The special unit teams from both primary and secondary schools worked extra hard to arrange for a pre-transition day for Lauren. Maybe it is because of the potential they see in Lauren. Maybe it is because Kevin and I triggered questions on how else we could make the transition to high school a great one. Maybe it is just what they do. Maybe a bit of everything! The teachers did a fantastic job! Did I tell you I love teachers? My sister knows that:-)

Here is a run-down of what took place which we felt made Lauren's transition to high school better than just good:

1. Consider a pre-transition day
There was already a Transition Day arranged to introduce typical primary school students to secondary schools around the region. These typically involve at least a few bus loads of students.

A special transition day was arranged just for Lauren to be able to sit in on one of the classes for the day and observe how teaching and students manage themselves in high school.


2. Start discussions early and with people who are involved in your child’s education
We started with discussions in October with Lauren’s class teacher and Head of Special Education. Kevin and I penned down in detail Lauren’s history – assessments, therapies received, progress, strengths, fears, how we manage Lauren during meltdowns – to help them have as much information about Lauren on one sheet of paper.

All the time, always keeping communication lines open with our Clinical Psychologist to get his feedback and guidance as well.


3. Cross school learning is useful
The Special Unit Teacher from High School visited Buderim to observe Lauren in her current classroom and also to have a face to face discussion with the Head of Special Ed in Buderim.

Likewise, the Special Unit Teacher from Buderim visited the new High School with Lauren on both the pre-transition and actual transition day to also support Lauren.


4. Keep communication open
A meeting was organized for Kevin and I, along with many email exchanges, to meet with the High School Head of Special Unit and the Special Unit Teacher assigned to manage Lauren’s transition. We talked more about Lauren’s strengths and weaknesses, areas of opportunity and how they could best support Lauren’s transition.

We also received feedback on Lauren’s transition day, her reactions (positives and negatives) to changes and instructions.

All the meetings and emails were always focused on how to help Lauren, never about “what are you saying about my parenting, or what are you saying about my school and teachers etc.” Kevin and I continually remind ourselves to keep our body language open to receive and encourage feedback.


5. Preparations for classroom setting
This is important because this forms the foundation of where Lauren will go to every single day for Grade 7 in school. Thought was put into structural settings eg. the most suitable classroom location which would encounter less human traffic, a nearby place to go to for emergency time out, ideal sitting location (less visual distractions, near the exit, close visual contact with class teacher etc) and of course suitable class teacher characteristics.


6. Pre-1st Day of School: meet the class teacher
A final pre-meeting was arranged. This time for Lauren to meet with her assigned class teacher.

The Special Unit Team felt it was important to give Lauren a sneak peek introduction to her teacher to lessen her first day of school anxiety as much as possible.

Lauren’s class teacher listened to Lauren share her anxiety about high school and bullies. She assured Lauren as much as she could that it was her priority to see Lauren enjoy high school, in a safe environment.


I find it hard to express it - Kevin and I felt so cared for.


Note: this is our experience. Not every child will need the same exposure. What we can advice is to keep communications open. Be open to receive feedback. It is not about you or your child’s weakness. This is very much a team effort always with one goal of helping children with special needs go further.

As parents, go into a discussion to discuss how to support your child’s teachers so that they can better support your child.


I hope you found this useful.

I'm in High School

27 January 2016

Lauren is now a teenager. I look back and sometimes cannot believe we have lived with autism for ten years. Why not 13 years? Simply because I had no idea Lauren had autism the first three years of her life. I suspected when she was 2+ but confirmation came much later. Anyways, we can talk about that in another article.

No-so-little Ms Sim started Grade 7 (equivalent to Secondary 1 Singapore, Form 1 in Malaysia) yesterday. A lot of preparation had gone into making Day 1 a good memory. And it was a great day, according to Lauren.


Here is an excerpt of what she wrote about her day.

My First Day at Chancellor, by Lauren Sim

The first day, in Chancellor, has turned out great. My class is 7F and my class teacher (who I met during the holidays) is Ms. Rogers. … I sat at a desk, next to a desk, which belonged to a girl named Maria. She came from Chancellor Primary. ABC's desk was next to another desk belonging to a girl too. Her name is Lilley. She came from Chevallum Primary and I made friends with her…At the very end of school, we had our first Japanese lesson with a teacher called Miss Swift. I must say, she speaks good Japanese! …I had a very good first day at Chancellor.

*Names have been changed.


PostScript: Alone

I know that Lauren had lunch break on her own because I was there. It breaks my heart to see her sit all alone, nose between her book. And then I remind myself that how I think she might enjoy lunch breaks ie. playing, talking, being with friends may not be how Lauren thinks a good break should be.

I cannot imagine what Lauren goes through with her sensitive ears for hours in the morning only to continue having all that noise around her during break time. Lauren must get tremendous peace from just being on her own, hearing her own thoughts, laughing at her imaginary stories of favourite story-book, movie and singing personalities.

Yes, I must remember that everyone deserves the opportunity to enjoy their own space. Some need it less than others. Some more than others.

I pray Lauren always gets to have the me-time she needs in school, while also getting out of that space sometimes to make one or two friends - who will be true and love her for the unique character she is.

Autism Checklist

Since we found out Lauren had autism and more so, after starting this blog, many friends have sms-ed, wats-apped and emailed us to tell us that their suspicious that their child, nephew or niece and friend's kid has autism. And two questions always follow: either do you know what are some signs of autism? or Who should I see?

I have covered some of the specialists who can help assess your child in Malaysia and Singapore and Australia in an earlier article here:

Always remember there is no one indicator. If a child has autism, he or she should display a range of indicators to suggest autism spectrum disorder.

There are many checklists. I have used the checklist from Autism Australia here:

Social interaction and communication

• looks away when you speak to him/her

• does not return your smile

• lack of interest in other children

• often seems to be in his/her own world

• lack of ability to imitate simple motor

movements eg. clapping hands

• prefers to play alone

• very limited social play (eg “Peek-a-Boo” )

• not responding to his/her name by 12 months

• not pointing or waving by 12 months

• loss of words previously used

• unusual language pattern (e.g. repetitive speech)

Behaviour

• has unusual interests or attachments

• has unusual motor movements such as hand

flapping, spinning or walking on tiptoes

• has difficulty coping with change

• unusual distress reaction to some everyday

sounds

• uses peripheral vision to look at objects

• preoccupation with certain textures or avoids

certain textures

• plays with objects in unusual ways such as

repetitive spinning or lining up

For more information, go to www.aspect.org.au

Short Stories From Lauren

This is a post simply showcasing Lauren's little stories. It started as a means to check if Lauren understood the new words she was learning from her English words & spelling list. 

My instruction:

Pick 5 words from your spelling list and write one to two paragraphs using those words. 

Hmm, I was quite pleasantly surprised by her ingenuity. She definitely writes better than I do. 

Here is her first story. Words in upper case are the spelling words she has learnt:-)

The Nasty Rogue by Lauren Sim

In a crowded city, there lived an evil ROGUE who does bad things to people and gives them bad luck. He always plays tricks on people like the time he released a PLAGUE of pests at a birthday party! The government has had enough of the destruction going along with the rogue. They sent the cops to catch him and then they showed him the PLAQUE of serious laws.

The rogue must do something to be good. It is when he saw a SYNAGOGUE, a few blocks away from the city. So, he went there. He prayed and apologised for what he did wrong. At the next day, the rogue changed his attitude and became a UNIQUE gentleman to the whole city. The city liked his new change and everything is back to normal again.

Back with a new story next week!

Why Lauren does not like Birthday Parties

Excerpt from Emergence. Page28. 

"...Like birthday parties. They were torture to me. The confusion created by noise-makers suddenly going off startled me. I would invariably react by hitting another child or by picking up an ashtray or anything else that was handy and flinging it across the room." Temple Grandin


This is the story of Lauren's first birthday party.

The birthday girl. Lauren at 4 years old.

November 2006.

Lauren was four years old. Luke was one month old. Kevin and I thought it would be great to have a double celebration for Lauren's birthday and to celebrate moh-guek (Full moon celebration for Luke's first month). So clever, right?....This was such a bad bad idea.

We planned the food. Kevin and I searched the internet for kids' games. We stuck the house full of treasure hunt pictures. Cute little prizes were bought and wrapped. And a lovely friend made a beautiful chocolate cake for Lauren, decorated with pictures of a colourful rainbow. I can still remember the cake. It was very pretty.

I think we had about 30 kids running around our home. Add on their parents and some with grandparents, and you can imagine our home bursting at its seams with people, chatter, laughter and simple, plain noise. Add to this, closed doors and windows to allow the air conditioner to cool down the house.

We never saw it coming.

All the build up from the incessant noise. When it came time for the cake to be cut, everyone gathered to sing Lauren her Happy Birthday song. So we sang....

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to Lauren
Happy birthday to you....
Short silence...and...we cut the cake...everybody goes....Yayyyyy...CLAP, CLAP, CLAP...!!!!!
..........
............
.............followed by....
the loudest, most piercing SCREAMMMMMMMM.....from Lauren.

She shouted at her guests. Their parents. And then she burst out crying, and Kevin had to rush her to her bedroom to calm her down.

And that...was the highlight of our party. Shock! Disbelief! Every terrible feeling you can imagine. I think that was when it really hit us that we had to admit we had autism in the home.

Lauren after the party. No sign of what happened before.

These days, we celebrate birthdays quietly. Just family. Gentle birthday singing. Lauren is enjoying her quiet birthdays. She prefers me not to make a fuss about them with her school mates. So no birthday cakes or cupcakes for the school anymore.


She likes the cakes, she just does not like the fussing around and all that attention.

Birthday celebrations are quiet affairs these days. Lauren's 6th birthday.

Sitting next to you doing absolutely nothing, means absolutely everything to me.

Help Me Understand Sensory Input

You see your child.

Naturally your hand goes to stroke her hair.
You probably give her gentle hugs.
You hold her hands when doing activities together.
Natural instincts. Very natural gestures.

But this child hits your hand away.
She squirms and stiffens up when you hug her.
She jerks your hand away from hers.
What is wrong?

I asked myself this questions so many times with Lauren. Especially being my first child, and being a first time mother, all that anxiousness of wanting your child to respond positively to your cuddles, hugging and display of affection. What she did seemed so much like rejection. It was really difficult on some days to tell myself that it was not rejection.

Some adults with autism have described these seemingly normal touches as extremely uncomfortable. Like sandpaper scratching their skin, like needles poking them.

This kind of responses are unusual to typical people. They may be due to Lauren's inability to integrate incoming sensory input. If she cannot make sense of it, she is better off without it, so she will push away these gestures.

Gooey starchy and FUN therapy. Lauren at 5 year old, 2007

When Lauren was about 5 years old, I used to make bowls of colourful starch. Once or twice a week. We had a spacious balcony in our home where we would place our little stools. Lauren would strip down to her underwear and I would ask her what pictures she wanted me to draw on her body.

We would spend the next half and hour drawing Ariel the mermaid princess, Beauty, Cinderella, sometimes even Pooh Bear and his friends on her legs, and arms, face, torso, thighs. It wasn't uncomfortable for her. It was fun! It was therapeutic for her senses.

Today I can stroke Lauren's hair and she enjoys it. I can stroke her hand and give her hugs. She loves them. And I love that I can do it.

We did other activities with Lauren. We wrapped her smaller joints like knuckles and fingers with plasticine. Some parents brush their children's skin. All with the purpose of helping them to integrate sensory input and make sense of the incoming sensory.

Some parents never get to hug their children because the sensory processing disorder is much more severe. While it is really tough on our emotions, it is extremely challenging for the child too. Each child also responds different to therapy. What works for one, may not work as well for another child.

Then comes the perseverance to try different methods until one works. We must persist in the therapy that is working. This can take weeks and months before we see improvement. And one day when you see your child responding to your hug, with her own hug....my...how precious.


A river cuts through a rock not because of its power, but its PERSISTENCE.

Like a Horse with Blinders

Maybe it was Lauren's diagnosis of autism that made Kevin and I a lot more conscious that we needed to physically spend time with her to engage her. We could not take the easy way out to just leave her with the TV and video (so 90s I know) and cds (better?) with her.

Much of what we take for granted like, kids learning from their surroundings, picking up our good and bad nuances, Lauren could not do. If you imagine a horse walking with blinders on, that would be how Lauren learns. A horse with blinders is focused only on the task ahead. Without the blinders, the horse would be distracted by its surroundings and unfocused on walking or galloping straight ahead.

Illustration by Luke Sim, copyright 2015

When Lauren is watching her videos, she is completely focused on her show. When she is playing with her toys, her attention is only on her blocks and dolls. And now when she is reading her books, she is fully immersed in her stories. Even when she is just walking along the park or road, she is focused on walking...only.

Her ears do not pick up on the spoken conversations around her, nor do her eyes observe the social activities around her. Unless called by name to watch or listen, Lauren does not.

This explains why Lauren speaks with an American accent. She has never set foot on America, yet she speaks like one. 99% of the shows she watches are American. Add on to this, 99% of what she reads are written by Americans. Dorky Diaries, Big Nate, Diary of a Wimpy Kid...ahh...the proliferation of American culture. Material for another article brewing here...:-)

Lauren opens her mouth and you hear American slang words complete with the accent!
OMG!
What the...!
Gross!
Awesome!
Totally rad...

And when talking to Lauren, the worse thing I could do is, tell Lauren to do something with my back turned to her, and of course hers to mine, and nothing ever happens! When we want Lauren to pay attention to what we are doing or saying, we first
1. Call her by name
2. Ask her to watch us
3. Then Kevin and I proceed to show her how something is said or done
Her eyes have to be on the task and not wandering somewhere else.
4. And lastly, we ask Lauren to repeat to us what we have shown her or told her

Why do the steps have to be broken down? Remember my article on Sensory Processing Disorders, where for a person with autism, they have many other sensory input coming at them, all at the same time? http://www.whatsnextkids.blogspot.com.au/2015/04/we-have-seven-sensesreally.html

Imagine trying to listen to what your friend was saying, but there was also the radio blaring in the background, construction happening somewhere further off, and lights flickering on and off. Makes it quite difficult to concentrate on your friend, yes?

Welcome to the life of Lauren. Too much input. One mind. One set of ears. One set of eyes. Horse with blinders, so they can cope without a sensory overload.

Next time you speak with a person with autism, take it one step at a time. It isn't because people with autism are slow. Seeing Dr Temple Grandin, Stephen Wiltshire, Naoki Higashida have shown us the opposite. They are just wired differently from you and me.

Thanks for sharing my thoughts. Share with me yours, ok.


Tolerance, Compromise, Understanding, Acceptance, Patience - I want those all to be very sharp tools in my shed - Cee Lo Green-