Social Skills for a Teenager with Autism

My daughter Lauren is fast becoming a teenager and living with autism...it can be extremely tricky to navigate through the teenage social world. Learning social skills for a person with autism just doesn't come naturally and I wanted to get professional guidance on how to do this, right.

So, it was with the objective of giving the best support possible in Lauren's teenage years that my husband, Kevin and I decided to pack our suitcases - four large ones and four little ones to be exact! - leave our careers in Singapore and build our lives in the Sunshine Coast.

Today, we visit our Clinical Psychologist, Dr Johann Eloff every two weeks on helping Lauren with her social skills. We met Dr Johann through a mutual friend, Dr Winnie Lau. Winnie was our Clinical Psychologist who first diagnosed Lauren with Dr Tony Attwood way back in 2007. 

Dr Johann is a lovely person with an extremely pleasant demeanour. Lauren also found him quite handsome and told us she used her high pitched "ha ha ha" laugh when chatting with him. Whatever that means!

Dr Johann and Lauren at his new clinic in Alexandra Headlands, February 2015

We had agreed for Dr Johann to take the lead in guiding us and the school SEU (Special Education Unit) team and align our efforts in helping Lauren improve her social skills. Learn how to make friends, learn how to keep friends. Learn appropriate friendship behaviours.

Short of sounding like a school teacher, I am going to list down my first to-do list, so that I can also use this blog as my checklist!

1. 3-things to talk about 
Being a typical Aspie, Lauren can talk quite endlessly about a topic of her choice, for now it is Pitch Perfect, Big Hero 6, Cheaper by the Dozen and Into the Woods and every single thing about them, and bore her audience to ?**%$#!.

So, when Dr Johann met her, he gave her two minutes to talk about what she wanted to talk about. When the two minutes was almost up, Lauren got very nervous and said she simply could not finish everything she wanted to talk about. And Dr Johann assured her it was alright because she could tell him more next time and it was his turn to talk anyway.

To help Lauren keep to a 2-minute guide, Dr Johann has asked us to use a 3-point guide. Ie. when we talk to Lauren, we specify three things we want to tell her. When we have completed the 3 things, we ask her what she would like to talk about as a signal for her to start sharing, but keep it to three things. 

Hopefully this becomes a habit and in due time it becomes an internal clock to signal that it is her friend's turn to talk.


2. Getting to know friends 
All this while, Lauren has said she has friends, but she hasn't a clue what they like, where they stay, what movies they love. Simply because she has never thought of asking. Well, this isn't in the social skills radar for a person with an Autism Spectrum Condition (ASC). 

So, our second project is to have her get to know 5 friends over the course of one week asking them about their hobbies, fav books, movies, songs. To make it less daunting and more relevant, we told Lauren that this is something she could do to help her visiting aunties and uncles know her friends. 

This is the starting point where we try to help Lauren navigate through her social world in an organized, structured manner. 

Follow us on this journey. Even we aren't sure what the path will be like, except that it'll be filled with surprises, frustration and laughter. Yes, in the midst of learning about social skills and social life, we must remember to laugh and have fun! 

Doesn't that make learning so much more enjoyable?


A little bit about Dr Johann Eloff
Dr Johann is a Clinical Psychologist on the Sunshine Coast. He sees children, adolescents and adults with a range of difficulties, including depression, anxiety and stress, with a particular interest in Autism Spectrum Conditions. Dr Johann now runs his practice from his private clinic on the lovely beachside town of Alexandra Headlands. Head-on to his website to learn more about him or to contact him. http://www.drjohanneloff.com.au/