Thinking Outside The Box

Lauren with Fadia, her sitting partner in Primary 3.
Decked in National Costumes for National Day Celebrations.

We were driving home.


I asked Lauren about her day.


I got the usual reply, "Good!".


So I started asking more specific questions.


I found out it was her sitting partner's birthday today. And that they had cake at recess. Ok...


I asked more... And she told me the kids were playing "Old Maid" in class. But they didn't ask her to join in.


"What did you do?" I asked.


"I wrote my story Mom".


You didn't watch them play?


"I did!".


Huh?


I was confused, so I asked


"Did you watch them play or did you write your story?"


....Silence....


I could sense Lauren thinking her answer.


She finally said "I wrote my story AND I watched them play."

If you know Lauren, you will know that she always answers within the given parameters. This is the first time she has answered beyond the given set of choices. (Lauren was 9 years old, and it was November 2011).


Awesome!


Be Grateful for Every Little Success.

Helping Lauren Change Negative Thoughts to Positive Thoughts

Lauren’s latest visit to Dr Johann had her working on the table below.

Chart to Identify Unhelpful & Helpful Thoughts

The purpose of this exercise: How to change negative thoughts to positive thoughts.
This came about because Lauren has a big (gigantous) fear and dislike of water. She thinks she will drown in the pool. She tells us it is dirty. She hates the feeling of being splashed even with sprinkles of water. So she shuns swimming as much as possible.


Kevin and I, on the other hand are trying to get Lauren to understand that she must learn to swim, because it is a life-saving skill. She does not need to love it, but she should try to live with it.


So, for many years, we have been trying to get Lauren to swim – with and without her swimming cap, with and without her float. One time, she tried swimming without the float, and she felt herself sinking. That freaked her out even more!


And then there is the vomiting after the swimming. Intense emotions of triumph that she has managed to swim without her cap and float, coupled with even more intense anxiety…results in Lauren rushing to the toilet to vomit after her swims.


But she has agreed she will continue trying. She is a real trooper. Such resilience. And I must remind myself to continue to encourage her and be more patient.


So, our task is to identify negative thoughts, for example,

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
I might drown if I swim at the deep end without my float.
My book will be destroyed if my friend touches it.
The movie I am watching will be gone if my brother uses the laptop

Thought Process Leading to Emotional, Physical and Behaviour Changes

POSITIVE THOUGHTS

We discuss with Lauren the process that leads her to positive thoughts like,

“You can practise swimming without your float at the shallow end first, so you know you won’t sink without the float.”
“Think about how you can operate the laptop and find the spot where you last stopped at the movie.”


This exercise hopefully helps Lauren (and all of us who are more pessimistic in nature) to build new pathways in her brain. From default negative thoughts to thought-out positive thinking.


Cup Half Full or Half Empty. How do you see your life?

1001 Questions

I had an office costume party once.

Lauren and Luke got a look at my costume, as an Arabian king, the night before. And they were so excited!

Look Mom...No Eyelashes!

I remember a time two years ago, when Lauren was 10 years old. It was March 2013.

I was just putting Lauren to bed. It had been a good day. Lauren had just recovered from 3 days of fever caused by a throat infection. Her fever was finally down and she had a fun day at home - watching tv, doing some paces (school revisions) and playing with her dolls. 

After bedtime prayers, she closes her eyes for me to kiss her on her cheek. 

It is then I notice...her eyelashes looked...CROOKED!

She had cut them!!! 

I freak out. 

She freaks out because I am freaked out. 

After loads of scolding (read: loud voices from an almost hysterical mother) and crying, Lauren promises not to do it, again, ever! 

She worries that she won't look pretty anymore. And more importantly, she also knows that she could have really hurt her eyes. 

Her Father and I tell her that they will most likely grow back, but it will take time. Apparently over 3 months, according to google. 

Sigh, Lauren's eyelashes were the prettiest. Long...with curls.

Four days later, I ask her what she was thinking when she decided to cut them? 

You know what she said? 

"I was trying to be Rapunzel. She cut her long hair. But Rapunzel said, "Don't worry. I shall continue to be strong in my spirit!"

Lauren goes on, "Mom, I'll be strong in my spirit too, even with my cut eyelashes!".

Be Strong, in Spirit.

First Playdate Ever!

It was almost the end of Lauren and Luke’s first summer holidays in Australia.

Lots of firsts in beautiful Sunshine Coast, because Lauren had her first playdate (ever!) right then – Yes! We managed to arrange one. January 15, 2015. What a date!

Her movie date was with a lovely friend from her old 5J class, with a wonderfully understanding mother. Thanks Erica!

Lauren & Brooke, 15 January 2015

Brooke came over to watch the new Disney movie called “Big Hero 6”.

Of course Lauren had already had a preview of the movie and had to be reminded many times to not let the cat/s out of the bag, and narrate Brooke through the whole movie.

Enjoying Big Hero 6 together

Anyways, the date was a decent success.

Brooke and Lauren ended up watching two movies, since their conversation time ended in about 5 minutes after the first movie. And Brooke's visit to Lauren's bedroom took just another 5 minutes.

Thankfully, they enjoyed their nachos with sour cream and salsa, and pizza and after which they said "Bye...see you at school"!

Friends are great gifts from God. 

No In-Betweens for An Aspie

The ASC brain is an on-off switch when it comes to emotions.

I am either happy or sad.

I am either very angry or not angry at all.

There are no in-betweens.

So how do we get them to try and recognize the “I am going to get angry” feeling?

Using a feelings temperature check and defining the different tangible changes their body feels can be one way.

For example, heart beats faster.

They start sweating.

Fists start clenching.

Feelings Thermometer: Helping ASCs Identify Emotional Signs

Once they start recognizing these signs, then they can use strategies to calm down.

Strategies that help them move their behaviour from primal instinct (fight or flight) to rational thought and rational behaviour.


Two strategies for Lauren, to help her calm down:

1. Count 1-100…backwards in multiples of two or four or six
Dr Johann advised that the more she has to use her brain to process something, the faster she can move from her primal instinct of explosive anger. This helps her use more of her pre-frontal cortex.


2. Breathing exercise
Breathe in, hold for 3 seconds. Then breathe out. Do this until she feels less upset.

Breathing Technique to Relax

Breathe In...Breathe Out...Breathe In...Breathe Out...Breathe In...Breathe Out...Feel Better?

My Ang Moh Char Boh and Ah Pek

Almost everyday, I am reminded that Lauren and Luke are so different in the way they speak.

One learns from books, movies and TV shows and therefore speaks in a totally American accent with proper English. That's Lauren.

Luke, her brother, on the other hand picks up on the English peppered with everyday local nuances from Malaysia and Singapore. Let me show you what I mean.

One day, Lauren sees me scratching my finger. 

She says, 'Mom, why are you scratching your epidermis?" Wow, where did you learn that word? 'In Science class. It means your skin'. 

Nice job, Lauren! 

So, Ang Moh! ie. very English!

Lady Lauren

Next day, I am walking Luke home from Chinese tuition while we were still in Singapore. 

And he says, 'Mom, you know, you can also call "ciau-ciau" with another word!'. 

Ciau ciau is the Hokkien word for penis.

Curious, I ask him, 'OK....what other word can you call it?', not really knowing what to expect. 

"You can also call it...cock! Yah, you can call it 'cock'! Cool right Mom?'. 

Cool? I'm not so sure. Ah Pek...for sure.

Luke in his typical Ah Pek sitting stance

I wonder what will become of Luke's English now that he is in Australia...:-P

For those who are not from Malaysia or Singapore, an Ang Moh refers to a Westerner. Char Boh means girl. So Ang Moh Char Boh means Western Girl. And an Ah Pek refers to a local China-Man.