Head in the Hole

Do you remember the times when you said something or did something so embarassing, you felt like sticking your head in the ground?

Head in the Hole by Kevin Sim copyright 2015

Once when Lauren had a group session in class, each student was asked to make a TRUE and FALSE statement. We aren't sure what the context was in making the sentences but one student (a boy) said, "I make out with my mom!". To which Lauren asked..."How?"...

Her group of friends laughed in response.

And Lauren burst into tears.

She told us later how she wanted to go to the school oval (school field), dig a hole and hide her head in there! She was utterly embarrassed because she didn't know what her friend meant when all the others did.

We explained to Lauren the meaning of what her classmate said "I want to make out with my mom" and we also assured Lauren that it was completely ok and the right thing to ask what she was not sure of. She felt better by the end of the day.

I sure wish I can help prepare Lauren for every situation. I know I cannot, but still...

Try your best and be happy with the outcome (no matter what).

How to have a conversation - Step by Step Guide for an ASC Child

Dr Johann has been guiding Lauren on how to have a good conversation with her friends.


Here are the steps we have recorded and are practising with Lauren on:


1. Help Lauren to paraphrase conversation points and end with "that's really cool!".

For example,..."so you like to play tennis and watch movies. That's really cool!".


2. Give compliments
Lauren learns to give compliments (appropriate ones, of course) to help make her friends comfortable and feel good.

For example,..."Hey Lanni, you look really pretty with those new ear-rings".


3. Finish conversations properly.
Lauren tends to leave her conversations hanging. Either her friends have not finished talking or she is done asking and then she just waltzes away!

So now she is to say..."Nice talking to you. See you later. Bye".


Reminders to continue practising:
Use comic strips to visually explain what other people are thinking of a certain behaviour of Lauren's.

Keep rehearsing and practising new social skills.

Use tv (since she loves watching TV) as a good reference for appropriate Model Me behaviours.

Remind Lauren to greet and give a warm smile, before jumping into a conversation. Say bye without her awkward, mini wave.


More updates again soon.

Teaching social skills is important in helping
Lauren navigate our complex social world

Practise. Practise. Practise because Practise Makes Perfect.

Big presentation! And Big Scene!!!

Lauren had to prepare for her school project on natural disasters (she had apparently forgotten to do it and we were informed on a Thursday, with just Friday-Sunday for her to research, complete the poster and memorize the talk). We helped a fair bit! Kevin did wonders with the visual poster and Lauren worked hard on how to present her work.

Me? 

I helped to make her sentences simpler and easier to present. And Lauren was so good - she took in our comments, was willing to present so many times just to get her words, her action all right.


On Monday, she presented her A2 poster and talk about the natural disaster to the whole class. She had to keep the audience interested for her 3-6 mins presentation. She scored an 'A' for it. A great morning for her.

Nov 2014: Lauren's "A" Project

Then came big break at school.


A couple of kids were playing handball and Lauren accidentally got hit by a bouncing ball.


She exploded!!!


She reacted by shouting that she was going to 'hurt' them (not sure what the actual words were) and threw her book and pen to the ground. Her pen broke as a result, which made things worse.


Sally, her Special Education -SEU - teacher heard her from the office and came to get her. Sally calmed her down. And another girl gave her pen - which was similar but not 100% the same - to Lauren to make her feel better.


How do we help Lauren when she has an explosive outburst?


Can we prevent it?


Lauren felt really bad. We know because she tells us what she should have not done and what she should have done.


After talking to Dr Johann about this, we are reminded that we must continue to run the scenarios and practise appropriate actions with Lauren, and practise them, and practise them and practise them until they become a habit.


We are also reminded that our frontal lobes, which control rational behaviour and reasoning, do not mature until we are about 25 years old! And we are also assured that new neural pathways can form for newly learned habits…


So while we have a long long journey ahead of us, and it won’t be a bed of roses, we can take time to smell the roses and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.



Know that the enjoying the journey is as important as reaching the end.

The POOCH Way to Smarter, Calmer ASDs

Visit 9 to Dr Johann: 19 February 2015

Lauren has had a pretty good few weeks at school. There were some flare ups, for sure! So today we learnt a new method from Dr Johann, which Lauren and us are going to try out for the next two weeks.

POOCH!

STEP 1: P-roblem

Identify what the problem is.

Some kids at school think it is funny to knock Lauren’s food container over, a couple of times a week. It drives her mad.

STEP 2: O-ptions

What can Lauren do about it? What are her options? Maybe

she could shout at them! 

she could tell them to “STOP IT”. And go right to a teacher if they don’t stop their silly behaviour.

she can choose to sit with her girlfriends during lunch breaks and get them to help look after her things, if she needs to leave for the washroom

STEP 3: O-utcome

Evaluate each option, rank 1 (bad idea) to 10 (great idea) and review the outcome.

Option 1: Shout at the kids!

Rank 1. Bad idea. Losing my temper and shouting at the boys might be just what they want. Besides, I cannot think smart when I am not calm. In fact, I say dumb things when I get ANGRY and LOSE MY TEMPER.

Fyi: the frontal lobe of our brain is where we rationalize and think through issues and problems. The back of our brain controls our impulsive behaviours. Lauren is trying to learn to use less of this part, and more of her frontal lobe. POOCH is one method to get her to exercise her reasoning and problem solutions using her frontal lobe.

Option 2: Tell the kids to STOP IT and go to person of authority for more help, if they don’t stop.

Rank 7. Pretty good idea. I can show the kids I am assertive and I mean what I say. The teacher can also help to discipline those naughty kids.  But I feel a little nervous having to face up to the boys myself.

Option 3: Sit with her girlfriends during lunch breaks and get their help if she needs it.

Rank 10. Good idea. Sitting together with my friends will make me less a target for teasing and my girlfriends can also help me.

STEP 4: C-hoose

Lauren now chooses the option based on the best potential outcome. So, she chooses Option 3.

STEP 5: H-ow did it go?

Lauren reviews the results of her decision, based on the outcome. Did the boys stop pushing her food container over? If yes, then she has met with SUCCESS! If this does not stop the kids from teasing her, then she goes back to review her options and choose another option or come up with new ones; and goes through steps 3,4 and 5 again, until she gets to successfully resolve the problem.

Have you tried this method before? Or do you have other approaches which has helped your ASD teenager?

Think before we act...it is a lot harder than you think.

Public vs Private to an ASD

I started this post thinking about how to describe what I wanted to share, without sounding too graphic, but using appropriate subtle, slightly humourous language which still brought the meaning across.

After checking out a few articles online on how to describe what I wanted to describe....well, I'm ready.

Today, I am going to talk about periods. Yes, that monthly thing ladies get visits from. But instead of saying that word, I shall use a combination of what I think are nice, creative and tasteful words for them.

Lauren had her first friendly visit from Aunt Ruby recently. 

She told me she felt excited and happy, and at the same time shocked at seeing her for the first time (We had shared with her what happens when she grows into a teenager a few years before).

During the weekend, she asked me a few times what will happen to swimming on Tuesday at school. I told her she could probably still go for swimming – which was not the answer she was hoping, knowing her great dislike for swimming – but I assured her I would check on whether she had recovered from her girl flu on Monday evening and Tuesday morning before she went to school.

Tuesday morning at school

At the school pool today, Lauren’s teacher tells me that she announced in class yesterday that she was now a teen and surfing the crimson wave (Lauren was less subtle!) so she was not sure if she would be swimming on Tuesday!

Imagine my reaction….SHOCCCCCKKKKK!!!

Kevin and I had a serious talk with her after school. We explained to her that making public announcements on private, personal matters for example things about her anatomy are a complete NO, NO.

She told us that she did not even realize she was saying it to her classmates and that she had intended it for her teacher’s ears only. Sigh.

Now Lauren has a large sign in her room to remind her to

• Think before she speaks
• NOT announce to the public (eg. speak in a loud voice to class friends and strangers) about private matters like what is happening to her body.

Have you ever experienced something similar with your ASD child? Share it with us.


Public vs Private. Why are humans so particular?

Today it is about Twerks for ASDs!

Today we found out that Lauren knows how to twerk. She is 12 years old and it is November 20, 2014. She learnt it yesterday and apparently showed all her classmates how twerking is done!

Funny? Yes. 

Horrified? Yes also. 

What must her classmates think of her? 

Well, according to her class teacher, a few of the boys said they felt rather uncomfortable. How did this happen? 

No one really knows except that Lauren told us one of her friends asked if she knew how to twerk, to which Lauren said, "Huh?"...and her friend proceeded to partially show her the starting stance for a twerk, and then explained the rest of Lauren. 

Lauren followed the steps to a T and the rest is history!

What is a twerk? Ahh, new word for me too. 

Wikipedia has it as: a type of dancing in which an individual, usually a female,[1] dances to music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low squatting stance.

Oh My!, would likely be your expression! We shared that with Dr Johann, and he came up with a fantastic way to help Lauren understand why it was not appropriate. See stick drawing below.

Social Stories can help ASDs visualize
the impact their behaviour has on people around them

The other things we will work on for  Lauren's social skills:

1. Use comic strips to help Lauren understand the POV of other people, esp. her classmates.

2. Turn taking in conversations Lauren is making good progress in this area. We are reminded to praise her when she does good turn taking during conversations to emphasize that she is doing well. 

3. Getting to know her friends Check that Lauren - looks at people when talking to them (especially if they may be talking about things she is less interested in) - smiling at her friends when she meets them (to help put her friends at ease) - says Hello, how are you? when she meets them, as good manners and greetings.

See you again.

What's life without learning something new everyday?

This Video Inspired Me to Persevere in Helping My Child with Autism

There are good days and bad days.

Some days, I watch the progress Lauren has made in her journey from the time she was just echoing and not conversing, to today where she can go into a long long conversation on a topic of her preference.

Then there are days where the smallest things (to us) happens like getting hit by a handball, and causing Lauren has a complete meltdown and explodes at her friends and everyone else around here in school. Books are thrown to the ground, pens are broken.

And I wonder, will things get better? Then my husband finds this video and again, God speaks and we are inspired, motivated to pursue progress because kids, teens, adults with autism can improve and learn.

I hope the story of Carly Fleischmann inspires you like it did for Kevin and I.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xsfNrG5Bnw

Social Skills for a Teenager with Autism

My daughter Lauren is fast becoming a teenager and living with autism...it can be extremely tricky to navigate through the teenage social world. Learning social skills for a person with autism just doesn't come naturally and I wanted to get professional guidance on how to do this, right.

So, it was with the objective of giving the best support possible in Lauren's teenage years that my husband, Kevin and I decided to pack our suitcases - four large ones and four little ones to be exact! - leave our careers in Singapore and build our lives in the Sunshine Coast.

Today, we visit our Clinical Psychologist, Dr Johann Eloff every two weeks on helping Lauren with her social skills. We met Dr Johann through a mutual friend, Dr Winnie Lau. Winnie was our Clinical Psychologist who first diagnosed Lauren with Dr Tony Attwood way back in 2007. 

Dr Johann is a lovely person with an extremely pleasant demeanour. Lauren also found him quite handsome and told us she used her high pitched "ha ha ha" laugh when chatting with him. Whatever that means!

Dr Johann and Lauren at his new clinic in Alexandra Headlands, February 2015

We had agreed for Dr Johann to take the lead in guiding us and the school SEU (Special Education Unit) team and align our efforts in helping Lauren improve her social skills. Learn how to make friends, learn how to keep friends. Learn appropriate friendship behaviours.

Short of sounding like a school teacher, I am going to list down my first to-do list, so that I can also use this blog as my checklist!

1. 3-things to talk about 
Being a typical Aspie, Lauren can talk quite endlessly about a topic of her choice, for now it is Pitch Perfect, Big Hero 6, Cheaper by the Dozen and Into the Woods and every single thing about them, and bore her audience to ?**%$#!.

So, when Dr Johann met her, he gave her two minutes to talk about what she wanted to talk about. When the two minutes was almost up, Lauren got very nervous and said she simply could not finish everything she wanted to talk about. And Dr Johann assured her it was alright because she could tell him more next time and it was his turn to talk anyway.

To help Lauren keep to a 2-minute guide, Dr Johann has asked us to use a 3-point guide. Ie. when we talk to Lauren, we specify three things we want to tell her. When we have completed the 3 things, we ask her what she would like to talk about as a signal for her to start sharing, but keep it to three things. 

Hopefully this becomes a habit and in due time it becomes an internal clock to signal that it is her friend's turn to talk.


2. Getting to know friends 
All this while, Lauren has said she has friends, but she hasn't a clue what they like, where they stay, what movies they love. Simply because she has never thought of asking. Well, this isn't in the social skills radar for a person with an Autism Spectrum Condition (ASC). 

So, our second project is to have her get to know 5 friends over the course of one week asking them about their hobbies, fav books, movies, songs. To make it less daunting and more relevant, we told Lauren that this is something she could do to help her visiting aunties and uncles know her friends. 

This is the starting point where we try to help Lauren navigate through her social world in an organized, structured manner. 

Follow us on this journey. Even we aren't sure what the path will be like, except that it'll be filled with surprises, frustration and laughter. Yes, in the midst of learning about social skills and social life, we must remember to laugh and have fun! 

Doesn't that make learning so much more enjoyable?


A little bit about Dr Johann Eloff
Dr Johann is a Clinical Psychologist on the Sunshine Coast. He sees children, adolescents and adults with a range of difficulties, including depression, anxiety and stress, with a particular interest in Autism Spectrum Conditions. Dr Johann now runs his practice from his private clinic on the lovely beachside town of Alexandra Headlands. Head-on to his website to learn more about him or to contact him. http://www.drjohanneloff.com.au/

The Autistic vs The Neurotypical

Did a little experiment - just for fun. I asked my kids, separately, to put their newly bought shampoos and conditioner in the bathroom cabinet.

Guess which is Lauren's arrangement, and which is Luke's: top or bottom?

Coming next: a comparison between Lauren and Luke's wardrobe...haaa...watch this space!!!

What I learnt: To love equally, does not mean to love them the same way.